Waiting on Things, Don’t Feel Like Blogging…

A few things are in limbo right now, so I don’t have anything super important to blog about on this post.

In the past when I had no major news l would resort to posting a foreclosure-related email or something creative / random that comes to mind, though I usually found a way to keep it on the foreclosure topic one way or another. For this post I don’t feel like being creative for your guys. The blog is closing soon so I don’t need to work so hard. Maybe I’m getting lazy or trying to break a bad habit.

Some of you don’t realize how much pressure it is to keep 8,000+ daily visitors coming back. Well, I normally don’t think of it as pressure but rather something I just do (for the last 10 months). This is the first time in my life I have an “audience”. My life and the blog have integrated so much that I found myself in the past making certain choices with the perspective of how “blogable” it will be. Always thinking of a new angle!

I’ve poured too much of myself into this thing - both in time and the level of exposure. And I’m now paying the price. It’s quite steep. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had fun too. And received lots of amazing benefits. But is it worth the hurt and pain that I caused to people around me and to MYSELF?

And stop bugging me about stuff I promised I was gonna write about, spreadsheets, questions I didn’t answer, etc. And don’t tell me “But you promised!”. I’ve broken so many promises… it’s sad. The guilt. The consequences. I can choose to close my eyes but the effects are still there.

I need to start telling myself the truth. I’m great at deceiving myself (and others). Telling myself the truth includes admitting that, YES, indeed I left my wife. I’m not talking leaving physically necessarily. Of course bringing the blog back up and leaving to Australia for a month was definitely the last straw, even though I tried to deny it.

But I’m talking about attitude. I “left her” in the way I’ve been pursuing MY goals and MY business - leaving her to the side. All the “short cuts” and impulsive decisions didn’t help either. I left a long time ago. Years ago.

Perhaps everything that has been happening to me is one BIG slap in the face. A slap in the face to wake me up and open my eyes. I hope I can wake up quickly enough.

Filed under personal / feelings, blogging

Norway Would Be a Sweet Place to Visit

2 Comments

• 1. Dread Pirate
  July 25th, 2007 at 1:03 am

  You’ll have completely backtracked by this time tomorrow.

• 2. Casey Serin
  July 25th, 2007 at 1:08 am

  I hope not… one of the things I’ve been doing lately is reconnecting with some good friends that have been giving me some hard-to-hear but honest feedback.

  Some of these friends have watched this whole thing from afar, not wanting to get to involved with the blog and all the drama.

  One friend told me that he kind of felt I needed to “run the course” or “self destruct” in a way, before I would listen. Perhaps that’s what is happening right now.

  These true friends are still willing to accept me back knowing that we all have times like these and being critical and judgmental when the person is not ready for it is only doing more harm then good. It’s a blessing to have friends like that.

  It’s too bad I had to go for this long.